for lack of a better title: attitudes

From the years with the Hmong and the Mienh people  here in Portland (ethnic groups from Laos—both of which originated in China), Lee and I have experienced how “yes” doesn’t always mean “yes”; there is that idea of ‘saving face’; and definitely more of community priority over the individual.

In chats with Brent & Chris and Tim & Cleo, with all their years in the Philippines, they agree that this attitude of saving face is frustrating.  [here is your guys' chance to chime in to comment/correct/illustrate.]

I read that it is called a sense of hiya, which means “shame” or what we would call “face” or reputation.  They are concerned for social conformity and communal tradition.   They prize self-esteem above material comfort; and the self-esteem depends upon how society esteems him or her.    So when a Filipino is criticized in public, he loses social approval and consequently suffers hiya.         I believe our men ran into this in the construction process.      How to get across a better way of doing something or a correction in the building without causing the lead Filipino builder (and a pastor) to lose ‘face’?         [Okay, men on the team—here’s your chance to post something to illustrate this!!!]

Along with this is an attitude called pakikisama where a person tends to accept the majority decision rather than express disagreement with the opinion of the group.  There is a dislike for confrontation.   So criticism is made through a go-between.       This sure runs counter to our American and/or Western independent spirit and speaking rather bluntly to one’s face about something.   

Okay, I am pondering that as we met in groups with people and shared, were individuals accepting the majority decision rather than expressing disagreement with the majority?                          With the Hmong I know it took time to work with individuals to be sure that the “group raising their hands” for example, translated into individuals fully understanding and making the decision for themselves.   

   Several years ago we were in the home of a Mienh shaman (witch doctor).  He had made the decision to make a break from spirit worship and so the entire family ‘made the decision’—the altar was taken down and burned and spirit amulets, etc. burned.    But we know individuals from this family (remember this is rather extended since sons with wives and kids often live with the parents) still follow spirit worship.    They did not follow through with further teaching to live/believe differently from spirit worship.

There is also the sensitivity to social propriety.   For example, when asked for a favor, they may say “yes”, even if they cannot grant it, so as not to embarrass the person making the request.   When invited to a social function, they may not respond if they cannot attend.  They may consider the invitation to be simply a polite gesture and not binding.  They want to avoid being ungracious and offending the person inviting them.            So here is a Westerner, wanting to know how many people to plan on for some event (to prepare adequate food or whatever) and cannot get a confirmed accounting of who will for sure attend!!

Another area where Brent & Chris and Tim & Cleo (and Cleo is Filipino) have some frustration with is in the area of finances.      [So you guys can chime in here and explain or illustrate or correct!!!]

Now I know Americans are not good financially about saving and such—evidence the gambling, lotteries, etc.  Yet quite a few Americans are at least responsive to such things as Financial Peace University and other teaching on being wise financially.   

 

The Filipinos seem to have a difficult time comprehending that a somewhat large investment now can mean huge savings over time.         I can understand when perhaps one makes so little and with much of shopping—especially for food which has to be daily when one doesn’t have refrigeration for instance—that when one has pesos one simply spends them—even unwisely on “junk food” for the children or whatever.  Or going in debt for a cell phone or tv, but not having what is needed for children to go to school.    

BUT, over all I greatly enjoyed the Filipino people.  They are hard working, cheerful, resilient, and enjoy people.     

As with the Hmong and Mienh, the family for the Filipino is the most basic, the strongest, and most enduring relationship.   

 I believe most Americans could learn from the Asians (and Hispanics) in this area---families seem to be fracturing and scattering.   Not that Asian families don’t fracture and scatter (especially here in the US), but for the most part, the family relationship is strong.      I would imagine the family is the best coping mechanism they have during difficult times.         Perhaps those who have a church family also have a secondary coping mechanism.   I know that holds true for me—I value my family and also my church family who is and has been there for us.